Right now I'm not really in to people, I know that sounds weird, but I'm just not in to being around too many people, cuz I'm just feeling really hurt and stressed from people. People just suck right now, I mean there are exception to this like Sarah and her family, Jessica and Liz but other than that people suck. Ive just been hurt repeatedly, and I'd like to not get hurt any further so I'm giving up hope on all other people besides the exceptions.     I had a best friend, but even that is non existen, so what did I do I've had enough and I'm giving up, I'm just so hurt on all sides, and it feels like everything is closing in on me. I have no family either, and I should have seen this coming a mile away so I gave up on them too, and its fine mabye this is a lesson in the fact that I should not have given so much of myself to these people, that I shouldn't have invested so much of my heart, because obviously they didn't protect it like they said they would they just smashed it to tiny jagged pieces that stuck to my skin in pools of blood when I attempted to fix things.       I'm at these crossroads in my life, and I have to choose if I'm just going to move on with out a backwards glance; my heart is tugging my view behind me, and in a way I think I already made my decision, but the incessant beating that is my heart wants me to throw all inhibitons away and just hold on for a little longer thinking things could get better. I don't care what Cristal says, but Ive lost her in so many ways, and in a way I think its what she wanted I think she wants me to give up to fall out of these feelings, and that is a cruel thing. It just hurts so much to look at her knowing she is not the same person who holds friendship above all else that is lost within her. ahhh I can't talk anymore

Trim it down to size with a light bulb
Thats what she said right before she took a gulp of coke or was it pepsi

 

Haha! in one moment my life has turned into one of those many indie films I watch. The one where the kid bonds with the parent and they smoke weed, and the kid learns a thing or two bout life :)...

     July 18, 2009 will be a lasting memory in my head of when I toked up round 5:00 with my dad, and I didn't come back down until like 7:00 shit it was wonderful. My dad got some expensive weed and it shows in the taste. I have never had stuff that good that knocks me on my ass after just like 2 tokes. It usually takes a bit more to get me flying.

      It was the best sensation ever. One moment I'm in the restroom thinking I have to pee, and the next I am looking in to the mirror and through the wall and I can see everything. Everything reverberated through the confines of my skull, mixing with the many songs only I could hear. I realized that rooms are like alternate realities or gateways to houses, and hallways are sanctioned areas that stand tall and neutral like Switzerland. LMAO! Any who I made a discovery that Tricky's music is best heard when high, cause for some reason you can only understand what he is saying when ur high...I'm sure theres purpose behind it lol...

     Other thoughts...hmmm...Oh I got me lots, and lots of fruit tis good man I had wanted mangos and kiwis for a good while. Lets see what else oh ya I have been asked to dress more feminine for like the freaking thousandth time, and its annoying, but I am taking care of this crap cause I went through way too much to be back at square freaken 1.

      Oh I think I decided to get in touch with Paul, but I'm not sure yet...What else ummm...I'm barely gonna watch hp on sunday which is tech. today, but ya I'm not totally looking foward to it, since We all know who DIES! AND NYDIA SCREW U FOR BEING SO HATEFUL TOWARDS DUMBLEDORE, HELLO I HAVE TO DEFEND HIM HE IS THE ONLY OUT GAY IN THE DAMN BOOK SO I WILL NOT HAVE U BASH HIM :p...

      What else oh ya I'm not sure I can wait nearly 6 months for the 4th season of SKINS I need my dose of husky Emily sexiness (I love her voice!)...Sure I could watch re-runs but like I have watched them like a billion times I needs newness...plus I mean I am looking forward to what shall happen between Effy/Katie, if ya know mabye they could be a Keffy then we have 2 gay twins (Look out Tegan and Sara). I mean if no Keffy I say Effy should give Naomi competion by going after Emily, cause we all know that Effy wants a piece of that, plus Freddie is just so not "lush" as in katies words I mean jeeze he is so fucking annoyingly boring, lame, and a bit like a sad puppy :(...Either way im on edge cause I wants me so some skins :0
Trim it down to size with a light bulb

I usually don't like those random chain question things that circulate on facebook and Myspace, but this one was hilarious. Based on your questions you put a crazy ass letter together, and this is what mine turned in to :)...


Dear, Crystal
I don't really know how to tell you this, Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose in your closet, and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand the middle-east is planning their revenge on you. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I will always remember the pep talks and the apartment building is on fire.

Go Drown yourself,
Cat

1. I can't sleep, but I'm counting sheep...

2. I think the most beautiful scene would be that of a lover following the trail of pills to that of their limp and broken lover that could not bear to see the love of another in their eyes.

3. Is there a way to get off of a ride while it is in motion?

4. So...I AM an insomniac, but I don't care; thats what the internet is for.

6. I love how at times such as these my mind is the loudest of things, and the world is all too silent.

7. Its weird how there are so many people within one...Like someone can be so many things yet remain the same person, and seemingly unchanged, yet never the same...

8. I hate it when the sun rises through the blinds, because it shatters my vision so violently that everything seems as if it has been smudged with an eraser tip, with colors bleeding through the paper that are my eyes.

9. Its funny how when you start telling the absolute truth, people ask why you didn't lie in certain situations :p...

10. Everyday: "Baby did you forget to take you meds?" - so what if I did, can you handle the outcome of that? Could you handle me folding and unfolding right in front of you? Could you handle me defying the laws of gravity that supposedly bind us together?

11.What pill would you have taken the red or the blue? See I would have taken the blue pill with out an explanation on impulse, because I love blue pills, it makes me think that I have swallowed the ocean, and all its wonderment.

12. A thing of beauty is the shaking frame of a girl whose mind is a bundle of lies...She stares out in to the empty world, shattered with the revaltions of her faulty life. She believes there is nothing worthy inside of her, there is no thing of beauty only this hideous beast of fallacies and guilt. So she takes a plunge that she has gambled with for years, and as her body crumbles in defeat she has never looked more beautiful than she does in that moment- a halo of blood splattered satisfaction is what is left of this wingless angel.

13. I love to ever so often lick my lips slowly after I have puffed a few times on my cigarette, because not only do I get to feel the smoke and aroma pumping through my lungs after each inhale and exhale, but I get to also taste its beauty upon my lips, slowly sinking in to my all to aroused taste buds.

14. sexuality is fluid- girl/girl, boy/boy, girl/boy it just doesn't fucking matter as long as your touched the right way...